I have decided I am not being paranoid when I won't tell Gee-nii-san when she's upsetting me in fear that she'll freak out. this fight started off very small, with Gee-nii-san just hurting me when I left an entry ending with how I was sad we had no shared classes and her response was only, "If you're going to make really, super long entries? I really hate seeing my friends page being longer than it should be, so I'm politely asking --
long entries + lj cuts = LOVE."
however, it has drastically escalated.( BEWARE: SEVERE BITCHING BEHINDCollapse )
I've realized now, if I wanted to remain Gee-nii-san's friend, not only will I have to deal with josh, but I won't be allowed to say anything that may upset, including telling her when I'm
upset by something she's doing because in the end, I will
end up the bad guy. not only will Gee-nii-san being down either my throat or aja's throat, josh will then join straight away. I remember Gee-nii-san saying awhile back that I kept trying to make her out as the bad guy, but right now, I really don't feel like that's the case. and you know what Gee-nii-san, if it'll make you happy you can keep being the victim and I'll be the bad guy and end this.
so. this is the end. I declare this finished officially because I am not willing to put myself in the bad guy position in order to stay friends. I give up all attempts to fix our friendship Gee-nii-san, it's not worth it. for either of us. I'm sick of feeling like shit and I'm sure you are as well. I somehow always manage to hurt you and when you hurt me, I'm not allowed to tell you so basically it's a destructive relationship on both sides. I'm tired of having to walk on egg shells when it comes to our relationship, so I'm just not gonna bother trying to fix this anymore. we're obviously just not meant to be friends, or it could just be as simple as you not wanting to be friends with me so whatever. let's not keep trying to force a dying horse to walk, ok? there'll be no more drama and fighting this way at least.
...and even after decided to give up on this, I still feel like I should be going through this entry to edit all the parts where I talk badly of josh and Gee-nii-san so as to not upset Gee-nii-san. how pathetic is that?